A RWBY Soap Opera
by Prof. MeowCakes
Summary: Such Drama! Be prepared for twists and turns like no other! Secrets will be revealed. Who's in love with who? Who's related to who? No one knows! Can you find out? Leave reviews! And have a stellar day!
1. Chapter 1

**Be prepared to get your mind blown!**

...

Ruby was sitting at the desk in her room when suddenly Weiss burst through the door. Her eyes were puffy. She had obviously been crying.

"Ruby! I simply can't contain my feelings any more! I have to confess something to you! I'm madly in love with you and- I'm pregnant!" Ruby was beyond confused.

"Uh...okay Weiss. Just what the hell are you talking about?" Weiss looked at her in complete disbelief.

"Ruby you're going to be a mother! Don't you remember that night on the veranda? We made sweet, sweet, unprotected love and now I'm bearing your child!" Suddenly, Jaune burst open the door. He got down on one knee and began to speak.

"Oh Weiss my love! Ruby isn't the mother! I am the one who made less than satisfactory love to you on the veranda! The child you are bearing is my own!" Weiss smacked Jaune in the face and turned away from him and began to sob.

"Jaune, it wasn't me on the veranda that night...but my evil twin sister! The child I bear is not yours but...it's Blakes!" Jaune gasped as Blake jumped from the closet.

"Weiss I must confess to you...I'm no longer in love with you but rather, I'm in love with Jaune!" Blake stood Jaune up and kissed him. He pulled away and looked towards the sky.

"No Blake! This is wrong! You're my mother! We can't be in love!" Blake began to sob.

"It's time I told you the truth! I'm not your mother! I'm Rubys mother!" Ruby was absolutely speechless at this point. She had no idea what the hell was going on. So naturally she shot herself in the face. Weiss got on both knees and shouted to the heavens.

"Nooooooooooooo! My only true love!" Jaune examined the corpse and stood up sharply.

"Ah Weiss! You have been swindled! For that was not Ruby, but rather Rubys long lost sister Beatrice!" Suddenly, Velvet and Jaune appeared in the doorway. Jaune looked at the other Jaune with hatred in his eyes.

"If it isn't my long lost brother Dimitrious! I thought I killed you when i threw you into the pit of eternal death!" Dimitrious laughed,

"You were sorely mistaken! For I Dimitrious escaped by using the power of love! You see? I knew you loved Velvet! But I also knew I must have her! So I soared to the heavens, and called upon the power of Zeus where I then stole Velvets heart from you!" Jaune punched the wall in anger. Suddenly Velvet spoke up.

"Dimitrious! I have to come clean! The truth is, I'm in love with Cardin!" As if on que Cardin ran through the door and grabbed Jaunes hand.

"Sweet sweet Jaune. I have come to the sudden realization that I'm gay! I love you!" Jaune got down on one knee.

"Oh Cardin. I feel the same way, but we can't be in love! You're my uncle!" Cardin started to cry.

"Jaune. The truth is, I'm not in love with you! I'm in love with your cat!" Jaunes jaw dropped.

"Not Bubbles! He's the only cat I truly cared for and fed!" Cardin smacked Jaune.

"You have to let Bubbles live his own life! In fact we're eloping!" Jaune put the back of his hand on his forehead and fainted. Velvet looked at Bubbles and punched him in the face.

"Take that you evil temptress! Cardin is mine!" Cardin then shook himself out of his dazed state. Velvet you saved me! Bubbles had me under his complete control!" Blake then punched Cardin in the teeth. She turned to Velvet.

"Velvet...I'm in love with you!" Velvet smacked Blake.

"You had your shot already and you broke my heart! You cheated on me with Ruby!" Blake shook her head.

"Velvet my love that wasn't Ruby! That was your evil twin sister Silk! She swindled my into believing it was you then got me pregnant!" Spontaneously, Yang entered the room.

"Blake I have kept my feelings bottled up for to long! I'm in love with you! But I knew our fathers would never approve of us, so I killed them!" Blake kissed Yang then smacked her.

"I love you too my sweet Yang! But you killed my father! Which I can only answer by taking the life of the one you love most!" Blake then killed herself. Yang beheld the dead body of her love and shouted,

"Oh cold, cruel, irony! You have killed that in which I loved the most! Her blood spilled by her own hand! With this, I shall join my real true love! Ruby!" Ruby walked into the room to find quite a few dead bodies and also several unconscious ones. Weiss grabbed Rubys shoulder and began to tear up.

"Ruby! Yang is a farce! She does not love you! Also, the baby I'm caring isn't actually yours! It's mine! I made love to myself on the Veranda!" Yang stabbed Weiss in the face and turned to Ruby.

"Ruby! We are in love! So lets take Weiss' baby and raise it for ourselves!" Yang grabbed the fetus from Weiss' womb and put it in her own. "There! Now we can truly start or lives together!" Ruby hugged Yang.

"Oh Yang! Finally! I love you! Or do I!?"

_DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!_

...

**Might be a one-shot depending on if you guys want more. Hopefully it was worth a couple lulz. Be sure to check out my other stories that I actually took seriously. Leaves teh feedbacks and have a stellar day!**


	2. Chapter 2

**You guys wanted more so, as promised, here's the second installment of A RWBY Soap Opera! I'm sorry it took so long to update, I just haven't been feeling the muse lately ya'know? Anyways, enjoy!**

...

Ruby and Yang were about to leave when Weiss stood up.

"Yang you fool! I knew all along that you would steal the fetus of mine and Rubys child, so I replaced it with a bomb!" Suddenly, a muffled explosion came from Yangs stomach, and she coughed out smoke.

"Oh Weiss it isn't I that was the fool but you! You see, I was pregnant with our child! You just killed it with your accursed bomb!" Weiss smiled evilly.

"Actually Yang, I knew you were pregnant thats why I replaced the fetus with that bomb! I wanted to kill our baby because I'm In love with Jaune!" She woke Jaune from his unconscious state and Weiss kissed him. Yang was confused.

"Wait...where is the fetus you replaced at?" Weiss pointed to Ruby.

"I implanted it in her when she wasn't looking!" Ruby was flabbergasted.

"Weiss! I was already pregnant with Jaunes baby! He cheated on you with me! Also our baby fetus is a cannibal so it ate your fetus!" Weiss fell to her knees.

"Oh damn you fate! You have killed my child using a cannibal fetus! What could possibly be worse then that!" Jaune cleared his throat.

"You forgot the part where Ruby cheated on you with me." Weiss nodded.

"Oh yeah, that does make it worse." then she smacked Jaune. "You bastard! I thought you loved me!" Jaune shook his head.

"Sweet Weiss, I'm really not in love with you! I'm in love with Yang!" Yang ran up and kissed him. Then she punched him in the balls.

"Jaune! You truly are the one I love! But I also hate you because you're gay for Cardin!" Jaune covered his eyes and began to tear up.

"Weiss you don't understand! I love Cardin because he saved my fathers life! As a thank you, I promised to go on a date with him, and I happened to fall in love! So excuse me for my raging male hormones!" Weiss kissed him.

"My sweet Jaune I forgive you! I didn't know Cardin saved your dads life! But I must confess to you! I killed your dad! I know this might make you fall out of love with me but I can't keep a secret from you!" Jaune laughed.

"Oh Weiss I never loved you! I simply used you for your money!" Weiss punched Jaune and knocked him to the floor. Cardin ran in to find Weiss tea-bagging Jaune. He pushed her off of him.

"Get off of him!" Cardin punched Jaune and then kissed Weiss. "Oh Jaune! I've come to another sudden realization that I'm not gay and I'm in love with Weiss!" Weiss smacked Cardin.

"Cardin I love you too! But I love Bubbles more, and you hurt him! No one hurts my Bubbles!" Weiss stabbed him. Cardin yelled in pain. Suddenly, Bubbles walked into the room.

"Meow, meow meow meow meow." Ruby turned to Bubbles.

"Bubbles your alive! I'm so happy to see you my love!" Bubbles then clawed Ruby in the face. "Oh god...you aren't Bubbles! You're his evil twin brother Mittens!" Mittens purred mischeviously.

"Meow Meow meooooow!" Ruby gasped.

"You mean to say that you killed Bubbles because you wanted me all to yourself!?" Mittens nodded.

"Meow. Moooow!" Suddenly, Bubbles burst through the door and stared menacingly at Mittens.

"Meow mow! Meow meow meow meow! (Mittens you bastard! You tried to steal Rubys affection from me, but nothing can keep us apart!)" Mittens snarled at him.

"Meow meow meow?! Meow meow meow meow! (How are you alive?! I used the curse of 8 deaths to kill you!)" Bubbles licked his paw then purred at Mittens.

"Meow meow meow. (I got nine lives bitch.)" With this, Bubbles sliced Mittens throat and killed him. Bubbles then turned to Ruby.

"Meowwww! Meow." Ruby turned away and began crying.

"Oh Bubbles! I love you too! Alas! We can't simply run away together! Your father would never approve of our love!" Bubbles knew she was right. As he pondered this he got so upset that he killed himself. Ruby and Weiss fell to their knees and screamed.

"NOOOOO! BUBBLES!" Then, Jaune stood up and pointed at Ruby.

"You killed my cat! Now I must kill someone you love!" Velvet then budged in.

"Jaune! Ruby is in love with me! But so are you! That means you must kill me! The one you love!" Jaune shook his fist at the sky.

"Damn you vile irony! Now I have but two choices! Kill the one I love! Or avenge my dear sweet cats death!"

_Dun Dun Duuuuuuun!_

...

**Does he kill avenge Bubbles? Or does he kill Velvet? Who knows?! Also be sure to check out my other stories and review on those as well because I love hearing what you guys think! ****If you guys want more, let me know! And as always, have a stellar day!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Penis. That is all. Enjoy.**

**...**

Jaune stared hard at Ruby and Velvet. After a minute, he made his decision. He grabbed a golf club, and shoved it down Velvets throat. And then he poured kerosene on her and threw her out the window onto a rabbit barbeque. She combusted like a bitch.

"Jaune! I'm so happy you chose me!" She ran up and hugged him. He pushed her away and let out a heavy sigh.

"Ruby...I chose you because...well...I'm in love with your penis." Ruby looked puzzled. When suddenly BAM! Out sprung a penis with a top hat and a monocle.

"Ruby! It is I Willie the Wanker! For your entire life I lied to you that I was a vagina, when really, I was a penis the whole time!" Ruby fell to her knees and screamed to the heavens.

"Willie! You dirty swindler! How could you do this to me?!" Willie hopped off her body and waddled over to Jaune.

"I'm sorry Ruby, but you see, I was in love with Jaune since I was born! Because feels!" Jaune kissed Willie they ran out of the room together. Just as they left, Ozpin walked in and pointed at Ruby.

"HEY YOU FUCKING WHORE! YOU'RE FAILING GEOMETRY! THAT IS ALL!" Ozpin quickly fled with the knowledge that Ruby had feelings for him. But due to the age difference he knew they could never be together. Plus, he was her brother. Ruby covered her eyes that were fogging up with tears.

"Oh maaan. I was put under false pretenses that I was actually good at Geometry! How could I possibly have failed?" Blake arose from the dead and punched Ruby in the mouth.

"Ruby! You failed Geometry because I set you up to do so! You were so good I got jealous because I'm in love with your Geometry book! I wanted it all for myself!" Suddenly, Rubys Geometry book, that was on the other side of the room began to speak.

"Yes Blake! I know! But you forget the one crucial fact that keeps us apart! I'm a BOOOK!" Blake began to cry.

"But Geometry Book! We are meant to be together! We can find a way to make it work!" Then her bag began to shuffle across the floor and out came Ninjas of Love.

"Blake! How dare you! I thought you were in love with me! Skank. Peace out bitch." Ninjas of Love jumped out the window and ate Velvets corpse then died. Blake looked out the window at the dead Ninjas of Love novel. She punched the wall in a mixture of sadness and anger.

"How could I have been so selfish! I sacrificed Ninjas of Love for this more attractive Geometry Book! Damn this world!" Blake then ran over to the kitchen where she melted some metal over the stove. She looked at Geometry Book. "It is because of you that I must do this! I hope you're happy that you killed your one true love!" Blake then drank the melted metal and poured candle wax over her eyes. She ripped off all of her fingers and ate them. Then she began eating her legs, until she died. Ruby was still crying.

"How could I have failed Geometry? I don't understand! I must study for the next test!" She walked over and picked up the weeping Geometry Book.

"Dammit Ruby! Can't you see I'm too feels right now to let you study! I lost my one and only true love! Except I have a second true love as well!" Ozpin walked in slowly and spoke softly.

"Yes you fucking whore. It's true. Me and Geometry Book have had a love affair ever since I was born. How else could I have known you were failing Geometry? I'm not the Geometry teacher you fucking whore." Geometry Book jumped out of Rubys hands and into Ozpins.

"Yes Ruby. Me and Ozzy-Bear are eloping. Peace. And don't write." Ozpin and Geometry Book left forever. Ruby shrugged and turned around to see Yang fingering her mouth.

"So Yang. What's new?" Yang wiped her fingers on her shirt.

"Oh. Ya'know. Just sittin here. Enjoying my Saturday. How about you?" Ruby looked around.

"Well. A lot of our friends are dead so. Yeah I got that goin on." Yang sat down on her chair and crossed her legs.

"Yeah, das cool, das cool. Alas. I'm in love with Weiss!" Ruby rolled her eyes.

"Oh god. Whatever guys I'm just gunna write some poetry and listen to Blood On the Dance Floor, because emo." Weiss appeared from the floor.

"Hey guys! I'm back from my mining expedition! What's happening?" Yang ran up to her love and kissed her.

"I'm in love with you dawg! Lets do dis murrage thang!" Weiss blushed.

"Oh Yang! You know I love it when you talk street!" She jumped into Yangs arms bridal style and they walked out of the room while the hit song _I Wanna Know What Love Is _played. Ruby stopped writing poetry and threw her iPod against the wall.

"Ugh screw being emo that shit blows. Where did my peeps go?" Then she heard a scream from just outside her door. Weiss ran in covered in blood.

"Ruby! Our plan fell through! I killed Yang and got the money! We can elope together, just like we always dreamed of!" Ruby stood up and turned around.

"Weiss...I can't...because...because...I'm failing Geometry." Weiss cocked her head in confusion.

"Sooooo what?" Ruby punched her and ripped out one of Weiss' teeth.

"You wouldn't understand! You're passing Geometry! Also your welcome for getting rid of that wisdom tooth for you! I just saved you a trip to the dentist!" Weiss nodded.

"You-you're right. This is more important. We can elope after you start passing Geometry! And yes thank you for saving me that trip. I'm currently low on gas, so that would've been a hastle." Ruby slowly walked out of the room.

"Thank you Weiss. I knew you would understand." Weiss was left alone in the room. The only sound that could be heard was that of a ticking bomb.

_DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!_

...

**So yeah. That all happened. I would like to mention that merikflame (author of _A Shared Mind_) was in the room with me as I wrote this. If you haven't checked out his stuff PLEASE DO IT! He's a superb writer and a very close friend of mine. Anyways guys, let me know what you think cuz I really loves the feedback! Also be sure to check out my other stories! And as always, have a stellar day!**


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys I'm back again! Some exciting news! On the last chapter, I broke 1,000 views! *has mini party* I really appreciate all the feedback and support and most importantly the laughs. I'm aiming to make this a 4 chapter book but you'll have to let me know if you don't want it to end. If I get enough people asking for more then obviously I'll do more (cuz I love you guys :D). Now enough with my ramblings, let's jump into possibly the last chapter.

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Chapter 4

Weiss looked around the room in an attempt to locate the source of the insufferable ticking. She walked over to the couch and picked up the middle cushion. To her surprise, a bomb was underneath with a timer that read: 00:03, 00:02, 00:01. BOOM! The room exploded in a burst of fire and shrapnel. Weiss flew out of the side of the building, landing where Ninjas of Love had previously eaten Velvets corpse. She died instantly. Ruby ran back into the room and laughed.

"Haha! My plan fell right into place! I knew Weiss was going to kill my sister so I had the bomb planted there three years ago!" Ruby turned around to leave but instead was met by her sister who pointed angrily at Ruby.

"Ruby you whore! You killed my only one true love! Why the hell did you do that?!" Rubys knees buckled and she fell down. As if hit by a train, she was sent back to reality. She was curled up in the corner rocking back and forth, crying. Her straightjacket felt tighter than it ever had. She tried to see past her visions but they were to vivid. The only thing she knew for certain that it was Sunday. The day Yang came to visit. She sat like that for hours, the tears causing the floor to become damp. Why did she do it? That's the question she asked herself. That's the question that forced her into this horrible place. Yang was on the other side on the door looking through the small window at her little sister. Yang loved to come here but at the same time, she hated it. She always broke when she found her sister trapped in the prison of her mind. She'd been in the institution for almost 3 years. Yang stepped back from the door wiping tears out of her eyes, and allowed the doctor to open the door. She slowly walked into the padded room towards her sister who was trembling in the corner, mumbling to herself,

"All my friends. All dead. All gone. Goodbye." Yang crouched at her side, setting down a bouquet of flowers and whispered,

"Ruby? It's me. Yang. I'm here to see you." Ruby continued to stare straight ahead but nodded her head.

"Yes Yang. All dead. All gone. My fault. I'm so sorry." Yangs heart broke. She kissed Ruby on the forehead and said,

"I love you Ruby. Someday you'll come back to us." Ruby responded in monotone,

"How could you love the killer of your mother Yang? How could anyone?" Yang stood up slowly and exited the room, sobbing. The doctor closed the door behind her. He turned to her and said over her sobs,

"Yang, I promise you we are doing everything we can, but her schizophrenia is very severe. I can't say for certain if she'll ever come back." Yang nodded slowly and told him,

"She will one day. No matter what, one day she will be free from the tortures of this world. One day doctor." Yang walked away swiftly. She couldn't handle any more of this for today. That night, Ruby was escorted out of her room by her doctor and brought to the cafeteria for dinner. Ruby never ate. She was getting thinner and weaker by the day. Naturally, since Ruby didn't do much, her doctor didn't pay much attention to her during meal time. She glanced down at her tray. Her plastic fork was towards the edge of the table. While her doctor looked the other way, she bumped the table, causing the fork to fall on the ground. With her feet, she slipped it in her shoe. After a couple minutes, the doctor took her tray away, and escorted her back to her room. She sat back down in her damp corner and stared straight ahead at nothing in particular, waiting for all the doctors to go home for the night. If she could hold back until then, she would have her shot. Only two night guards were on duty, rather than countless doctors. Then, she saw the lights outside her door go out, and waited for a few minutes until she could finally give in. She fought it harder than she ever had. After the proper amount of time passed, just as every night, she broke out into an aggressive seizure. She thrashed around and her eyes rolled back into her head. The straightjacket was becoming weaker. The seizure continued getting even more violent. She was thrashing so much that she began to bleed from rug burn. When the seizure halted, her straightjacket was totally undone. Quickly she garbed the fork from her shoe, and held it up to her face. She whispered to herself,

"I'm coming to see you mom. Its been so long. So long." She looked at the window in her door. "Goodbye Yang. I love you." She took the fork, and using all her strength she stabbed herself in the neck. she fell to the ground choking and coughing up blood, smiling. She died like this. Blood staining the white cushion of her corner, while she lay there with a soft smile on her face. She was free.

...

Now again if you want more, LET ME KNOW! I will be going in a very different direction than the original three chapters because I could only keep that up for so long. BUT NEVER FEAR MEOWCAKES IS HERE and I assure you if there is more to this story, the comedy element will remain, but more as an undertone rather than a dominant factor. Again I'd like to thank you guys for the continued support and hopefully you aren't to mad at me for going M Knight Shamalon D: As always guys, have a stellar day!


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